


You and I, and Unfamiliar Goodbyes

by y_oona



Series: Our Playlist on Shuffle [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y_oona/pseuds/y_oona
Summary: Although the decision was made, he can't help but hope that he gets one last time with Jeonghan.Based off of Girls' Generation's "One Last Time"





	You and I, and Unfamiliar Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> Because I saw a lot of people saying Jeonghan needed his happy ending but Seungcheol didn't get his either and I was in my feels  
> (It helps to read In a Movie for Us to understand Jeonghan's side)  
> Also someone stop me, I should be working on my lab lol  
> It was going to be another chapter, but i decided on just making it a little series
> 
>  
> 
> [Listen while reading](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFlpgLBuxWA)

It's selfish. He knows that. But it doesn't stop himself from texting him. 

_How are you doing?_

_Are you okay?_

Seungcheol lightly taps his phone to his cupid's bow, staring at himself through the reflection of the mirror and glowing lights of his dressing room. He doesn't know why he tries, but he does. Even though he never gets a response. The man hasn’t gotten a response from the other since the premiere.

Fate seems to enjoy toying with him because when he was still tangled with Jeonghan, seeing and being with him was a big challenge, and finding time to be together was hard. Even running into him seemed like drawing the lottery. But life was cruel. 

Now. It seems that life decided to throw his ex-lover at his face. On the TV, on every billboard, on his phone, newspaper, hell even on some of his breakfast foods. 

At some point, he decided that he should just avoid the internet. Which he did successfully.

Months have past but it seems the longer he went without contact, the more intense his desire became. 

He missed Jeonghan. He missed him so damn much.

"Choi, they brought your car around."

Nodding at his manager, he stood, leaving the dressing room. He had just finished his recording of 'Knowing Brothers' so he was growing extremely tired.

Walking out in the hall, he swung his keys back and forth, only stopping when the sound of footsteps stopped in front of him. 

Refusing to lift his head out of exhaustion, his eyes glanced up to see who was blocking his path, only for him to immediately straighten up when he sees Jeonghan standing only a couple steps away, and a script in hand.

His eyes were void of anything he remembered. They lost their spark; the scent, that used to linger whenever they'd look at each other. Jeonghan’s expression remained empty now.

Moments of silence passing both of them as neither was able to move a centimeter.

Somehow, his brain sends him on overdrive, remembering their final exchange of words, all those months ago.

He remembers being in Jeonghan's apartment, a silence much like the one they were in surrounded them. The look in the younger's eyes were much more vivid before. They screamed words that Seungcheol only wished to hear at the moment. He remembers how it felt to see the look Jeonghan gave him when they said their final goodbyes as lovers.

"I have to go."

His breath had shortened incredibly and he hated it because there was no way he could hear him confirm his worst nightmares. 

If Seungcheol had the power to control time, he'd stop everything but him and Jeonghan, so they could spend forever together.

_'Don't say it. I don't want to hear it. Do not open your lips and say it. Don't make me lose you.'_

"I know."

Seungcheol knew too. Because Jeonghan was incapable of being greedy. Sure, the thought of Seungcheol all to himself would have been a dream come true, but when it back down to reality and the position they were in, he thought of the older first and what would he best for him.

Coming back to reality, the older took a step closer, as if it was a challenge to see if he'd run in the other direction. Surprisingly he didn't. Instead, he walked straight ahead, breaking their eye contact, curving his body so he didn't bump into Seungcheol at all. 

"We're really bad with goodbyes, aren't we?" The words had tumbled out of his lips. In a way, they were true. They were horrible with goodbyes. Mostly due to the fact that neither of them said the word.

_Goodbye._

It was the word for endings. And that just wasn’t in either’s forte.

He heard his feet stop moving when the comment slip out. But they resumed after a couple of seconds (ten to be exact, not that the actor was counting).

Watching the brunet turn the corner, his eyes saddened. Does Jeonghan remember Seungcheol? The Seungcheol, as in, the one he loved? 

_'Please tell me that memory didn't flow away.'_

"For me... and for you." He mumbles and hopes that somehow, someway, Jeonghan heard him.

 

   ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

"Are you feeling okay?"  

Snapping from his reverie, Seungcheol faked a smile, giving his fiancé a peck. "I'm perfect." He watched Nayoung drop her bag on the couch before heading to the bathroom. So, he remained at the dining table to think.

Lies. He's all lies.

Days after his encounter with Jeonghan, he couldn’t stop thinking. All the thoughts racing in his mind were about Jeonghan and how shitty he was. Sadly, he realized too late.

He didn't deserve Jeonghan when he had him. 

His heart seemed to always beat a bit slower than Jeonghan's. Seungcheol was pleasant with their arrangement, comfortable even. But Jeonghan always wanted something a little more. So, the people who seemed to see eye to eye with their deception, weren't even walking at the same pace.

And now Seungcheol felt what Jeonghan had felt; the need to want more, he wanted to hold on to it. 

Jumping to his feet, he all but ran to the bathroom, telling her Jihoon – more lies – wanted to grab a drink before running out of the house. 

Speeding through the city, he struggled to put on his hat and mask while driving. He had to save all the time he could, because he didn't want to waste one more moment without him. 

Impatiently, tapping on the elevator, he cursed everyone who designed the building for making the penthouse on one of the top floors. 

Thoughts of Jeonghan were eating at his mind. He hasn’t held him six months. He hasn’t spoken to him in six months. He hasn’t kissed Jeonghan in seven. And he was going into withdrawal.

Exiting the lift, he saw the door of his destination closing. 

Almost sprinting, he flung his foot and hand between the crack of the door, grabbing onto it as if his life depended on it. He could hear an audible gasp as he pushed it open before slamming it closed, removing his cover. 

The scene before him was all too familiar. There they were. Standing meters apart in the middle of Jeonghan's living room. Except this time, he's going to try his hardest to hold onto the heart that once belonged to him.

"What. Are you. Doing here." The younger's voice was shaking. Was it out of anger? Fear? Hatred? Sadness? 

Seungcheol watched hot tears fall from his face and it pained him that he was reopening wounds that seemed to not have healed yet (but in the end, he knew that he’s the one who hurt him in the first place). "I don't want the distance. I'm scared- no, I'm terrified that we've become so distant from each other." 

Not even hesitating, he took two long strides, engulfing Jeonghan in his arms. Maybe it was instinct, or was it out of pity? He felt the movie star wrap his arms around his waist. 

"I just want to stay here..." he openly confesses, "with you. Me in your arms. You in mine."

Feeling the other's breath hitch, he held on tighter in fear of Jeonghan letting go. 

"You’re the one who agreed it was best to end it. You’re the one who wanted to stay, but ended up leaving.”

“I miss you.”

"Like you said..." it was barely a whisper, "We're really bad at goodbyes."

Burying his face further into Jeonghan's shoulder, he pressed a light kiss on the fabric of his shirt, hoping he felt it.

"We don't know how to do them correctly..." the brunet's hands were now pressing against his shoulders, trying his hardest to push him away, "So, we learn now."

"What?"

Jeonghan didn't know. Jeonghan didn't know just how much he loved him.

With all of his strength, the smaller pried Seungcheol off him, and towards the door. "Goodbye, Seungcheol."

"Jeonghan I love you."

Unlatching the door, he continued pushing him out. "Goodbye."

"Do you not know how much I loved you? Love you? Can you really just let that flow out of your mind?"

A fresh wave of tears emerge in both their eyes, and with one final shove, Seungcheol's out the door. "I'm saying... Goodbye."

Closing before he could do anything else, he stared at the door who seemed to mock him back. 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

 

"You look like shit." Jihoon hands him his americano. Even under a hood and glasses, his best friend could see he looked like utter shit. Who wouldn’t? He had a wedding to plan along with a packed schedule that was filled with boring filming and advertisements, all while trying to reel back from the crushing fact that the person he was in love with, wanted nothing to do with him.

Sipping his coffee, enjoying the burning feel from the back liquid, he sighed. "I'm getting married in three months."

"That you are. Congrats."

"I can't go through with it."

The shorter of the pair choked at the unexpected answer, almost falling off his chair. Luckily for the two of them, the cafe was empty at that time of the morning.

"What the hell do you mean you can't? You're the one who proposed!" 

"Jeonghan. He's engraved in my mind, and... I love him more.” He tried to keep his voice low, “I thought I loved Nayoung more but I don’t. It felt wrong ending things with him and it felt wrong proposing to her.”

With the most sympathetic look he has ever seen on a person, he didn't know Jihoon could look that sad, the coffee was taken out of his hands. 

"Cheol, you have to let him go."

"I've tried. I can't. I didn't deserve him. I need to treat him like how he deserves to be treated-"

"Choi Seungcheol." His best friend's voice was stern, scary even to the point where he was scared to talk. "I'm not saying it so you can go through with the wedding. I'm saying it because you have no choice."

"I get it, nobody can be gay and survive in the industry-"

"You don't know do you?" Jihoon's eyebrows scrunched before his face relaxed and all Seungcheol could see in his eyes were regret. "Jeonghan got casted for a Hollywood movie. They start filming next week."

_"Goodbye, Seungcheol."_

_"Goodbye."_

_"I'm saying... goodbye."_

 

Winter was drawing to a close, season change was right around the corner. The flowers and trees were coming into bloom and spring was in the air. Yet. Seungcheol felt stuck in a winter storm.

Like deja vu, he's back at Jeonghan's apartment building at an ungodly time, rushing faster than ever, slamming into everybody and anybody, not giving a damn if he was recognized. 

Banging on the door once more, he presses close to it, to get his voice through.

"Jeonghan? Yoon Jeonghan? Please. Please tell me you're in there." His frantically flipping through his wallet to find the access card he was granted oh so long ago. "You didn't tell me. The other night, you didn’t tell me. You didn't tell me you were leaving. Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

Losing it, he began knocking on the door once more, hoping and praying that the door was locked because there was somebody still inside.

"I know. I know I'm not the best person. I know that your heart has been worn down and I know it's because of me. Everything feels like it's collapsing, right? Remember how we built that blanket fort? It collapsed on us. We laughed and you said to just forget about it, but still you rebuilt it because even though you knew it'd collapse again, you wanted to try to make it work?"

Still receiving no answer, he continued, pressing his forehead to the door. 

"The fort is collapsing right now. I know. But please don't get up and forget about me. We spent so many days and nights together Jeonghan please. Please don't just leave and forget it all."

He felt the tears roll down his cheek as he tried to control his breathing. 

Almost falling forward, the door opened wide, revealing multiple suitcases by the door and furniture with tarp over them. And the saddest thing the door revealed was Jeonghan, eyes bloodshot as he stared back at Seungcheol's similar state.

They stood there, drinking each other's appearance, carefully and thoughtfully, for the last time. Both knowing, that they wanted to keep this memory of them. 

"Give me one last time."

Jeonghan stares back, emotionless even if he was crying. 

"To look at you. To hold you. To love you. I know you're leaving... So give me one last time. Give me one."

_'One last time...'_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No… I can’t." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeonghan choked, closing the door ever so gently, leaning all his weight on it. 

On the other side, almost on the exact spot where Jeonghan's hand was, Seungcheol pressed his hand against the cold hard door. 

Both whispering "Goodbye" in the air-

For one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> lol i hate me  
> Tell me if you want a happy ending or an angsty ending b/c i can do both  
> Also, this was supposed to have an opened ending but i changed it becuase.... idk  
> Sorry for any mistakes!


End file.
